(no subject)

i feel like this particular journal of mine is the only place i can really cry into. can't bring myself to beg for attention on any of my social media platforms for obvious reasons. it's not like i would accept anything people say to me anyway, so why waste their time? i can't stop crying for no reason, god. i don't even know how it started. i just hate myself so much that i cry.

hate my thoughts, hate my inability to Do something about the things that make me upset, hate just my utter laziness and selfishness... and i just don't want to do anything. i post here because i know nobody sees this, i don't add people thru it nor should it really show up on anyone's reading list... or whatever it's called on dw. reading page?

just a stupid piece of shit that just wants the attention of people without deserving it. i've done nothing to garner their interest so why should i even think that's possible? why do i place expectations on something and/or someone when i've done jack shit to deserve it? only to have the gall to feel sad about it later on. fuckin idiot.